There is no other way

The week in review (pun observed, and open to debate):

Hours: 47.88
Earnings: -$1205
Hourly Rate: -$25.17
Consecutive days playing poker: 7
Avg. hours per day: 6.84

Top song/artist guessers: Jeff Lester and Lan Whu (2 each), although Lan wins the showdown due to Jeff erroneously claiming that King Crimson's "One More Red Nightmare" contains the same domination lyric as a previous post. According to this, that's not true: http://lyrics.rockmagic.net/lyrics/king_crimson/red_1974.html#03

Birthdays missed: 2 (sorry, Mom and Kristy!)

Ham and cheese sandwiches microwaved and eaten: 5 or 6; I am not sure because they've all kind of blurred together in a cheesy, hammy haze.

-------------------------------------

Well, it's not like it's a secret. The week has not gone like I had hoped or expected. Given the hours I've played, I would have predicted about $2000 in profit, given a roughly $40/hour rate. Instead, my results have been - well, the numbers are above.

Each time I have a losing session, I try to ask myself why it happened, and determine if overall it was because of poor play, or the element of chance that is inherent in the game. I do this when I play in Los Angeles as well. This week, I have basically had one complete meltdown - the one where I lost $600+ in the course of an hour. As mentioned previously, I had something exactly like that happen in L.A. once, and the repeatability has heightened my awareness and cemented the necessity of avoiding it in the future.

As for the rest of the sessions, it's hard for me to tell. I have always thought that one of my strengths as a poker player is the ability to objectively assess my own play. I have typically been a tight player, and I tend to be a bit on the passive/weak side, although I will follow through on a bluff once I've started. One of my goals for this trip was to progress to a more aggressive game, and I think I'm moving in that direction.

However, this last week has been by far the most difficult stretch of poker I've had in the year I've been playing, and there are a lot of reasons for that.

First, I've never lost so much money in such a short time. In L.A., I walk into the Hustler with $300 in my pocket, and if I bust out, I leave. That limits my losses to that amount, and prevents me from playing after I'm on semi-tilt after a loss. However, a disciplined professional would not do that - he would re-buy and continue to play solid poker, knowing that his hourly rate does (should) not change regardless of his recent loss. He would not ALLOW the loss to affect his play. In trying to perform as such a person, I have been rebuying after my first bust, and sometimes my second. However, knowing that I must play well after busting has helped me prepare myself mentally for the situation, and I don't feel I've played poorly as a result of busting.

Another reason this has been difficult for me is this blog. I've enjoyed writing it, and in a city where I am basically alone all of the time, it has been an important social conduit to my family and friends. At the same time, I do not like reporting failure, especially on such a consistent basis. This is exacerbated by the fact that I know a good portion of my audience looks upon my entire experiment with reservation or disapproval. Some of this has been expressed, and I am sure that some of it hasn't. That's OK. I respect that, and in fact I question my own participation in an activity where essentially, the strong prey on the weak for their money. Ack - I'm digressing. The main point is that it's not easy to tell everyone, seemingly every day, that you've been taken.

Finally, it is the nature of my losses that has been hard to take. This is, I feel, the most disheartening aspect. Last night, at the Mandalay Bay, I lost two huge hands; one with TT vs. 55 and a 522 flop, and one with AA vs. KK with a rag all-in flop, and a K on the turn. As I look back to my previous posts, and recall other hands I haven't mentioned, I can compile this list of losses:

AK vs. A5
A9 vs. A4
JJ vs. 99
AA vs. J6
KK vs. AQ, J-high flop
A9 vs. A7
AA vs. AK
Straight on turn lost to rivered flush (dude called all-in w/ 5 of spades as his flush card)
AQ vs. KQ
AQ vs. AJ
KK vs. 85
TT vs. 55
AA vs. KK

That's a pretty impressive list. My erring-on-the-low-side estimate is that the average pot size was ~$280. By contrast, I can only think of one significant suckout I've had - my QT catching the river T.

Anyway, the struggle I'm having in the analysis of my own play is due to the fact that this string of losses, coupled with the added pressure of my situation, is really wearing at me. Like I said, I'm usually able to be objective in my self-analysis, but that is when I am at home, and I haven't lost $1200 in a week, etc. In my current state of mind, I am questioning my own ability to be objective. It is with some small amount of paradox that I suppose I must be somewhat objective still, to think that I might not be. :)

Still, compiling the list of bad beats has helped. Frankly, that's a lot to overcome. So as I ask myself the "Why?" and "What can I do?" questions, the best answers I can come up with are "That's poker" and "Reset your mind to I'm OK mode". Easier said than done, of course. It's a negative feedback loop - the more stressed and unhappy you are, the more difficult it is to play well, which in turn leads to more stress and unhappiness. But to succeed, there is no option other than to will yourself past it.

Which leads us to the title of the post - "There is no other way". A change of pace is needed, so today's title is a quote from a movie. I just need the title for the $1 prize. It's still related to hard/heavy rock, and it's a B&W flick. And the way I feel right now, I might as well be one (this will make sense later).

HAND OF THE DAY:
--------------------------

This hand is from two days ago. It is better than any of the ones from yesterday.

I'd left the table for dinner and come back to a new table. Shortly after sitting down, I'm on the button with 52 suited. There was a young man who was really mouthy - he liked to question other people's choices when they beat him, and freely and loudly offered his opinion about a lot of things, including his "reads" on what people had. He also had an annoying habit (and horrible tell) of announcing his hand in an effort to get people to not bet (he would invariably announce it as stronger than it was).

Anyway, in this hand he simply said "Call blind" and a lot of other people limped in. I decided to raise to $12, to represent strength for post-flop betting. Everyone folded to him, and of course at this point he actually had to look at his cards. Then he said "Wow, I picked a great hand to check blind in" and re-raised me to $25. Everyone folded, and of course I called.

The flop came K87. He bet out $20. I decided to raise to $60, just to see how he felt about his hand. He angrily flung down his hand (JJ) and yelled out, in a most dramatic fashion, "I can't BELIEVE I got sucked out on again!!! Your AK is good!" Now, I rarely show any uncalled hands, and almost never show a bluff, but this one I could not resist. It was a chance to tweak the guy and turn him into a "producer". So I flipped up my cards, and what happened next was what makes this hand interesting, because I've never seen it happen before. Literally everybody at the table laughed out loud! Normally, people will stay quiet in that circumstance. Apparently he'd annoyed everyone to the point where they got a little tickled at seeing him one-upped.

So play well, and play nice.