Keep holding on, when my brain's ticking like a bomb

There's got to be a better way to handle this, but I doubt I'm capable of it at this point. I'm just really, really angry. It's that simple.

Last night I went to the brand new Venetian poker room, which opened last Sunday. It's a large room, decorated differently than, but to about the same level as, the Bellagio/Wynn poker rooms. The tables are well-spaced so that you aren't bumping into the guy behind you, or being hit by the cocktail trays as the waitresses squeeze by with the drinks, as happens at both Bellagio and the Hustler back in L.A. What I really like is the chairs, which are the most comfortable I've sat in, in a poker room. Oddly, they were piping music into the room, and even more oddly, it was stuff like Madonna and Air Supply - not what you'd expect the typical poker player would want to hear, if they wanted to hear anything at all.

The food that's available is really expensive. Apparently the printed menu prices are just a guideline, as I somehow ended up being charged $22 for a $16 burger. The funny thing is that when you first get your player's card, you get a one-time $15 comp, so when the guy came with my burger I gave him a $5 chip - $1 for the extra cost over the comp, and the rest for tax and tip. Then he said, "Thank you sir. I'll be back with the rest of the amount you owe" and I'm thinking "What?" Then he comes back and says I owe another $6.95. Fine, take it. I was too aggravated to argue about it, if that makes any sense. I guess one of the reasons this meal is so expensive is that it comes with your own personal, miniature, single-use bottles of ketchup and mustard - about 2.5 inches tall, made of glass, factory-sealed with plastic and everything. This is such a ridiculously ostentatious waste it makes you wonder how people can come up with it.

When I sat down around 2000 last night, the table was really ripe for the picking. One guy on my right sat down a few minutes after me, and proceeded to lose two $200 buyins in less than one round of the table. Within the next hour, he lost two more and dutifully bought in a 5th time. Likewise, there were several players who were crazily aggressive any time they hit top pair, regardless of their kicker OR the board. It was clear that at least several people did not know what they were doing. Yet again, it was a slow night for me as far as getting cards.

Very early on in the evening, there was a family pot in which I had A2 in the big blind. Nobody raised, so I was in. The flop came AA7, two diamonds. With so many people in the pot and no kick, I checked, and everyone else did the same. Turn is a K, and now I am almost certain to have the best hand, AND someone is almost certain to have a K, so I bet $20. A girl, that I believe is a dealer in another casino, raised me to $70. I did not know what to think of this raise - my gut feeling was that she had a K with a really good kicker. It was also possible that she was slowplaying her own A, however, so I simply called. River - 4 of diamonds. I check, she bets $50, and I call. She turns over K9 of diamonds for a flush, and I lose a $250 pot on another rivered flush, with yet another nonsensical bet from my opponent on the turn.

Immediately, I started to feel the anger. In Los Angeles, of course, I have lost my entire buyin many times, to plays that are questionable at best. On the drive home, I will feel some small amount of frustration, but my attitude is about 98% "Oh well, it happens, and it's those same situations that allow me to win most of the time". I get mad at myself if I don't play well, but I do not get mad at my opponents for playing poorly and winning, and I do not get mad for being beaten by poor play either. I want my opponents to play poorly. I want my opponents to enter pots with holdings that are inferior to mine. That's mainly how I win.

On an intellectual level, I know this is all still true. But I have lost so many huge pots on this trip to my opponents' inferior holdings and questionable play that now, I'm just mad. It's accumulating. Lately I've been mad when I try to go to sleep at night, and calmer but frustrated in the morning. This morning I woke up and I was still mad about last night, and I'm mad now. Don't get me wrong - I know that I also have played poorly at times. For instance, I've been bitten twice on flat-calls with AA that I should not have done. But I feel like overall on this trip, I have played much better, and made less mistakes, on this trip than I have in the past. I feel like I have made significant improvements in my game. And with each passing day, as I lose more and more money, I get angrier. It's not directed at anyone. It's just there.

After losing to the flush, I was down to about$150 of my original $300 buyin. But as I mentioned above, the table was so good that I decided to immediately re-buy another $200, so that I would have chips when the right situation came along. Normally I will try to claw my short stack back up to a respectable level using what I have, but as I have seen so many times now, good tables usually stay that way a very short time.

The remainder of the night, until about 0045, my stack see-sawed as I was not really getting much to play with. Finally, with $275 or so, I got AK in early position and raised to $20. The button called, and everyone else folded. Flop is great for me: KT4 rainbow. I have been checking my hands and folding all night long when I didn't hit the flop, so I knew if I checked the my opponent would bet, which he did - $20. I raised him to $40, and he called. I doubted he even had a K at that point. The turn was another rag - 7. I didn't want to mess around any more with this $120+ pot, so I pushed all in for my last $200 or so, and got called. I'm sure you all see where this is going - he had KT for two pair, not to mention a diamond draw that he did not need. The river did not help me, and that was that. $5oo on the night, gone, the final play again to an opponent whose hand I had dominated.

Again, I'm not whining, or at least I'm not trying to. I'm just writing about what happened. During the first part of my trip, I was frustrated, kinda depressed, and probably a little embarrassed at having to write about the frequency and magnitude of my losses. And very nicely, a lot of people wrote in with words of encouragment and support, and it was great to hear that people out there believed in me and told me to keep on trying and it would come around. Well, I appreciated that all, very much. It helped. Still, I don't want or need anyone's sympathy now, so I respectfully ask that you don't give it to me. And writing about all this crap is not therapeutic either. What I want is to freakin' win when I'm supposed to win, and that's it.

I've blown through about half of my $5000 bankroll now, 3.5 weeks into my 5-week trip. I'm debating whether to try one more shot at a $2-$5 game and then, if I lose, play $1-$2 the rest of the trip and go with a single buyin.

HAND OF THE DAY:
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I've already outlined two hands above, but what the hell. Here's a third. The unusual twist to this hand is that it involves an opponent laying down a hand that is vastly superior to mine. The aspect that's not unusual at all is that he made a bizarre call and suckout to get to the point where he had me beaten.

The opponent in this case was a very aggressive and amazingly loose player. He came to the table and within a very short time had amassed a huge pile of chips. To give you an idea of how loose he was, he got involved in a pot with K4, and with a single pair (K) put in about $500 into a pot. He then miraculously hit four clubs to complete a flush with his 4, and bet another $100 into the pot. Out of desperation, his opponent called with no club, and he took down a $1200 pot with that hand.

So this is the guy I'm up against after I raise AQ off, in the big blind, to $20. Two callers. Flop is AQJ rainbow. I like it, and as this guy has shown he will draw out anything, I bet $75. He looks at me a while, and says "You got AK, huh?", and then calls. I'm secretly hoping he has AJ and I can double up on this hand. The turn I do not like - T. Now any K has the nut straight. But since my opponent had already put me on AK, I decided to bet it like I had it, and pushed all in for another $170. I mean, if the guy called a $75 bet to hit his T and get the straight, then he has made a bad call for the pot odds, and I'm not laying down my top two pair anyway.

So again he says, as if it is a fact, "You do have AK. I'm going to lay this down" and flips over 98 for the idiot end of the straight. I was amazed. First of all, this guy called $75, knowing he had no chance of making the winning hand unless a dream T came, and then when it came, he laid it down. This is after betting like crazy with his top pair/4 kicker.

That this guy laid down that hand is a reflection of one thing - how tight I have been playing. There is literally only one hand I could conceivably have had that had him beat, as K9 was not something I would raise with, and he knew that. I was glad he had voiced his opinion on the flop, as it gave me a little more confidence that he would lay down a strong hand, although I did not expect him to be as strong as he was.

Play well, everyone, dammit.