i am the truth from which you run and i control you

Ack! Is this over yet?

I am so, so tired of playing poker.

I didn't even go on Friday, despite intending to. In addition to simply not wanting to play, I'd slept poorly the two nights prior and knew that it would be a bad idea for me to go. It's actually been a while since I've actually wanted to play - I know I haven't at all over the last week and a half or so.

Last night I dragged myself to the Bellagio. For some reason, I feel more comfortable there than I do anywhere else. I'm going to have to add "not hitting my monster draws" as another contributing factor to my ongoing troubles. If my memory serves me, on this trip I am 1 for 6 on all-ins where I am the favorite to win the hand on a draw. Since these pots are always in the multi-hundred dollar range, it's a big chunk. Now, 1 for 6 isn't an unexpected result over such a short time, but still. Last night I hit two draws where I had both an open-ended straight and flush draw (the second one, I also had two overcards) and lost both. I was a 56% favorite on the first, and a 69% favorite on the second. Waah, waah, waah.

My opponents, however, fared well on their draws, particularly those of the runner-runner straight variety with K4 and a K56 board against my black aces. The gentleman called a re-raise on the flop and a $45 bet on the turn. I actually bet the river with four to a straight on the board, because I did not believe that his kicker would have been in the range to make him a straight. I really don't like missing a bet that I think my opponent will call when I believe I have the best hand.

Luckily, I also hit some big hands of my own, so despite taking some heavy losses I only bought in once for $200. It was gone after I lost the second of the two drawing hands.

I've been thinking a lot about my game lately. I read a good article by Annie Duke about tilting. She was conversing with a winning player that had been losing for two weeks straight, and they got on the subject of tilting. In the article, she says that when most players think of 'tilt', they specifically think of wild, maniacal calling/betting because you are emotionally upset. However, she generalized the definition to include any time your decisions are affected by your emotional state. She then went on to say that some players express their tilt by playing to minimize their losses. Here's a quote from the article "They get it into their head that even if they have aces, they will lose." Obviously, that struck home. She also gave a typical real-life example of a person who, with a very weak hand, does not bet out when a card that is likely to be scary for his opponent comes on the river, and a bet is likely to cause the opponent to fold.

I don't know if I'm in that state of tilt or not - probably to some extent, I am. I haven't completely lost my aggression - for instance, I limped in UTG with 77, called a raise to $30, and bet out $45 on a K-high flop to take the pot down. A lot of players would probably have conceded that pot. But that's just one example; overall, my game has progressed in the direction of timidity.

I did finally come across a situation in which even I would have been ethically compelled to not exploit a weakness of an opponent. Joining the table late last night was a man in a wheelchair who had some sort of condition which elimated, I would estimate, about 85% of his muscular control. His arms and legs would curl and twist in the general direction of a target, but with little effectiveness, and every so often his whole body would spasm. I do not know the name of this condition, but I seem to remember one of my great-aunts, or someone in my family, having it. Anyway, there was no way this player could manage a task such as handling his own cards, so he had a companion with him to show him the cards, and to translate the mostly unintelligible speech. This companion would lift the cards up high, and it was obvious that the people sitting on either side of him had a clear view of them also. I do not know whether they looked or not; it would have been difficult NOT to. But the table itself took on a different character while he was there. He was not a skilled player, folding almost every hand and raising huge amounts when he had something, so his stack was quickly eroding. But you could tell that some of the other players playing were kind of rooting for him. At one point, he was under the gun and raised all-in for a little over $100. Now, this is a preposterous UTG raise at a $2-$5 table, that would only get called by AA or maybe KK, and no one called. But one or two of the guys were looking at their hands for a while, and to my opinion it seemed as though they were searching for a reason to call, knowing they were way behind, just to give this man a little taste of success. Myself, I was thinking that it was pretty neat that poker provided an avenue for him to go out into the world and have an adventure.

I liked Jeff's caption for the Godzilla/Mothra scene. Even though he was the only one to try, it probably would have stood up to some more competition.

HAND OF THE DAY:
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This HOTD is one of the most confusing hands I've ever been involved in.

I'm on the button with AQ suited. A few players limp in, and I raised to $15, and get two callers. I know this is a small raise, but there's two reasons why I chose $15. First, as I have already noted, I've been playing less aggressively, and with hands like AK and AQ I don't feel like committing a lot to a pot pre-flop. Secondly, no one at the table would call raises larger than that, if they came from me, due to my tight play.

So the flop comes: Q55

Now, I feel like playing a paired flop is one of the most interesting challenges in poker. There are so many variations on position, holdings, and the fear that is involved with both you and your opponents. Strategic play and bluffing is rewarded well. I might talk about this in a later post.

The action is checked to me, so I bet $25. The first caller, who was in the big blind, calls. And so does the other player! One caller, I can still feel relatively confident about my hand, but with two? Not so confident at all.

The turn is an 8 and is checked around by all. The river is a J, and suddenly the big blind bets out $75. To which, the next player responds by going over the top, all in, for another $60 or so.

I am so confused by this, and my assumption is that I am beaten, so I fold. Now this is where it gets really weird. First, the big blind folded, and flashed a K as he did so. Then, the over-the-top raiser flashed one of his cards - also a K. Bizarre. I strongly believe neither of those players would have played K5. The big blind might have, but he never would have folded his hand if that were the case. So I believe he had KQ - and I would have called his $75 bet. The other guy is somewhat of a mystery. I also don't believe he had K5. KJ is a possibility, but I doubt he would have called my initial $25 bet. The guy limped in, called a pre-flop raise, called a bet on a Q55 board, then raised over the top when he had no chance of bluffing an opponent out of the pot. He must have believed he had the best hand. Given all that, I believe that he had KK. I had seen some very odd play of big pairs - people would limp in even in late position with the hope of getting raised. Who knows? I asked him about his hand but he was too cool to tell me what it was. KQ is another possibility, but I don't think that hand would have merited the over-the-top raise. Usually I'm not too concerned with my opponents' holdings in any given hand, but in this case I was really curious.

Actually, thinking about it now, maybe the BB had AK and was just bluffing with his $75. Man, I wish I knew what those guys had.

I don't know if I'm going in today. My calendar tells me it's Palm Sunday. If there ever were a day I could get a good hand or two, I guess this is it. Ha! Now that, my friends, was a bad pun. What I should have done was given up poker for Lent. Speaking of Lent, I'm running a little short on cash...

Please, make it stop! Play well, everyone.